
Gold Coast Ocean Views: Stunning 2-Bed, 2-Bath Apartment!
Alright, buckle up buttercups! Let's dive headfirst into a review of the [Hotel Name] – and trust me, it's gonna be a wild ride. I’ve spent far too much time (and frankly, money) trying to find the perfect hotel and… well, let's just say this one has its moments. This isn't your sterile, corporate-approved review; it's the raw, unfiltered truth. Prepare yourself.
Accessibility: The Good, the Bad, and the Slightly Confusing
Okay, first things first: Accessibility. They say they're accessible. They tick the boxes. But let's be real, sometimes those boxes are just… decorative.
- Wheelchair Accessible: Yep, they claim it. I’ll give them this - the elevators work, and there are ramps leading to the lobby. The lobby itself is pretty spacious, which is a win. BUT… I overheard someone struggling to get their wheelchair through the doors to the spa. Talk about a buzzkill for a relaxing experience! Minor points lost. They also advertise a Facilities for disabled guests - but the details are vague. My advice? Call ahead, ask specific questions, and don't be afraid to get pushy.
- Elevator: Present and accounted for. A must-have. Seriously, I'm not walking up twenty flights of stairs after a buffet breakfast.
- Rooms, Bathrooms, Oh My!: Details needed. Are ADA compliant room available? Are the bathrooms set up for mobility?
Internet: The Digital Gods Smile (Sometimes)
Okay, internet. In this day and age, crucial. And I need it for, you know, work. Yes, work. I promise!
- Free Wi-Fi in All Rooms! YES! Praise be! This is essential for my sanity. And it actually works - mostly. The signal was strong enough to stream movies, thank goodness.
- Internet Access [LAN]: They also offer this, which I totally didn't use, but hey, options are good.
- Wi-Fi in Public Areas: Yep - and a decent signal in the lobby.
- Internet Services: Whatever that means.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: Spa Day, Anyone? (Maybe)
Alright, let's cut to the chase: the spa. This is where things get… interesting.
- Spa: A decent-sized spa. I had (what they called) a body scrub…. It was okay, really. The scrub itself wasn't bad, but the therapist seemed a bit… distracted. Like she was thinking about grocery shopping or something.
- Sauna and Steamroom: These were seriously clutch after a long day of sightseeing. Nice and hot, just the way I like it!
- Pool with View: Yes! The outdoor pool area is gorgeous, with a stunning view. It’s the perfect place to unwind and watch the sunset.
- Fitness Center: Gym or Fitness center: Didn't visit.
- Massage: I wanted a massage! but the massage therapists… Not sure what to make of it.
- Body Wrap: Not my thing.
- Foot Bath: Didn't have time for it.
- Swimming Pool [outdoor]: Fantastic.
- Swimming pool: Also a big yes.
- Spa/Sauna: Nice.
Cleanliness and Safety: Sanitized and… Slightly Overkill?
Okay, let's get real: COVID-19 has changed everything. I’m not immune to the anxiety of the pandemic.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Good.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Good.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere. Everywhere! It's like a sanitizer explosion in a Kleenex factory.
- Hygiene certification: Checks out.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Necessary.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Generally observed, though sometimes a little wiggle room was needed.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Okay.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: Appreciated.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Hopefully so.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Seemed to be.
- Sterilizing equipment: Whatever they're using, I'm okay with it.
- CCTV in common areas & outside property: I'll be honest, I don't love the feeling of being watched, but it's a necessary safety measure.
- Fire extinguisher, Smoke alarms, & Soundproof rooms: Standard safety features.
- First aid kit. Good to have!
- Essential condiments, Bottled water, & Safe dining setup: Necessary now!
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Good.
- Shared stationery removed: Okay with this.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Carb Load Ahead!
Alright, my personal favorite category: food!
- Restaurants: A few options, catering to different tastes.
- Breakfast [buffet]: The highlight of the trip. An absolute feeding frenzy of deliciousness. I made a beeline for the pastries. Don't judge me.
- Asian breakfast: I didn't try it.
- Western breakfast: I did try that!
- A la carte in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant All these categories are offered.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop: Good to have.
- Bar & Poolside bar: Yes, to booze.
- Room service [24-hour]: Excellent for those late-night snack attacks.
- Snack bar: Always.
- Alternative meal arrangement: Good.
- Bottle of water: A necessity.
- Salad in restaurant: There are salads (I think).
- Happy hour: Sign me up.
Services and Conveniences: The Extras
- Air conditioning: Essential.
- Air conditioning in public area: Definitely yes.
- Cash withdrawal: ATMs available.
- Concierge: Helpful, but sometimes a little slow.
- Contactless check-in/out: Smooth.
- Daily housekeeping: Excellent.
- Elevator: Necessary.
- Facilities for disabled guests: See "Accessibility."
- Food delivery: Convenient.
- Gift/souvenir shop: A little pricey, but hey, you need a trinket!
- Invoice provided: Standard.
- Ironing service: I am fine.
- Laundry service: Check!
- Luggage storage: Good.
- Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Seminars, & Wi-Fi for special events: All there.
- Safety deposit boxes: A good idea.
- Smoking area: Present and appreciated.
- Terrace: A nice place to relax.
- Car park [on-site]: It's there and free.
- Doorman, Currency exchange, & Doorman, & Xerox/fax in business center: good.
- Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Invoice provided, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities & Meetings, & Meeting stationery, & On-site event hosting, & Outdoor venue for special events, & Projector/LED display, & Shrine, & Xerox/fax in business center. Options.
For the Kids
- Babysitting service: Great for parents.
- Family/child friendly: Sure, why not?
- Kids facilities, & Kids meal: Not sure, but are there.
Getting Around
- Airport transfer & Taxi service: Convenient.
- Car park [free of charge] & Car park [on-site] & Car power charging station: good.
- Bicycle parking: good.
- Valet parking: Nice
Available in All Rooms
- Additional toilet: Unnecessary.
- Air conditioning: Yes.
- Alarm clock. Yes.
- Bathrobes: Nice touch!
- Bathtub & Separate shower/bathtub: Yes.
- Blackout curtains: Essential.
- Carpeting: Okay
- Closet: Good.
- Coffee/tea maker: Yes!
- Complimentary tea: Yes!
- Daily housekeeping: Yes!
- Desk & Laptop workspace: Good for working.
- Extra long bed: Yes!
- Free bottled water: Good!
- Hair dryer: Necessary.
- High floor: Yes.
- In-room safe box: Good to have.
- Interconnecting room(s) available: Okay
- Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless: Good.
- Ironing facilities: Fine.
- Linens:

Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because you're about to dive headfirst into… my Gold Coast adventure. Let's be honest, it's less itinerary and more… well, organised chaos. I'm not planning with clinical precision, more like… gentle suggestions with ample room for spontaneous meltdowns. Get ready for some serious #Realtalk.
GOLD COAST CHAOS: The (Un)Scheduled Odyssey
Day 1: Arrival & Existential Dread at 2B2B Paradise (Maybe?)
- Time: 1:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Arrive at Gold Coast Airport (OOL). Ugh, airplanes. I swear, I saw a toddler projectile vomit onto a poor gentleman’s back. My stomach lurched for a good hour after that, even though I was miles away. God, I hope I look good. Ubers, bless them, are my lifeline. Pray the traffic isn’t gridlocked.
- Time: 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Check-in. The pictures on Airbnb always lie. I'm picturing a sun-drenched modern condo with ocean views that'll make my Instagram followers explode with envy. Reality? Probably a slightly-too-small sofa and suspicious stains on the carpet. Pray for ocean views. Seriously. I’m paying a small fortune for this damn thing.
- Time: 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Unpack. Or, more accurately, attempt to. I’m a chronic over-packer. My suitcase usually looks like I'm planning on fleeing to Mars. This time, though, I’m committed! (Famous last words, I know).
- Time: 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Contemplate life. Seriously. Unpack is done. This is when the existential dread sets in. Alone in a strange apartment, staring at the ocean. I just hope the ocean is pretty. Maybe I'll unpack my book, but maybe I won't.
Day 2: Brunch, Beaches, and Beachbody (Maybe Not).
- Time: 8:00 AM - 9:30 AM: The holy grail of holidays: Brunch! Gotta find a place with good coffee, avocado toast, and a general vibe of "effortlessly cool." This search alone could consume half my day, but I’m willing to sacrifice. I saw a place on Instagram called "The Sunburnt Spoon" - sounds promising, but hopefully, the service is better than its name suggests.
- Time: 9:30 AM - 12:00 PM: Beach Time! The obvious choice. Swim, soak up the sun, pretend I'm a carefree beach goddess. Realistically? I'll probably spend the first hour slathering myself in SPF 5000, nervously scanning the waves for sharks, and generally feeling self-conscious in my bikini. But, whatever, I'll be there.
- Time: 12:00 PM- 1:00 PM: Lunch. Beachside fish and chips? Or maybe a salad to go with my supposed health kick. I should probably get a burger and fries. I will.
- Time: 1:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Beachbody, round two! Attempt to look effortlessly graceful while doing yoga. Or, more likely, fall over while trying to strike a pose, and then declare yoga is stupid and go back to lying down.
- Time: 3:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Explore. Maybe walk. Possibly get lost. That is the goal. Maybe I will find a hidden gem or two. Maybe not. It is fine either way.
Day 3: The Surfers Paradise Debacle (and Possibly, Regret)
- Time: 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM: Surfers Paradise. Oh, god. Tourist central. I'm already regretting this, but, hey, gotta check it off the list. I'll probably wander down Cavill Avenue, rolling my eyes every two seconds at the loud music and neon lights, but I secretly, secretly, hope I can find a decent souvenir. Like, not a plastic koala, but something actually kinda… cool.
- Time: 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM: Lunch in Surfers Paradise! Maybe an overpriced burger, or maybe some street food. Somewhere to people-watch. The people-watching is the most important.
- Time: 2:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Attempt surfing lessons. Or, more likely, get pummeled by waves. I am not an athlete. I am more of a "sitting on the beach and eating chips" person. But, hey, gotta try. Maybe I will actually be good. Maybe I will eat shit. I'll let you know how it goes.
- Time: 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Post-surfing recovery. I'll probably be exhausted, covered in sand, and questioning all my life choices. A long shower is in order, then a nap might be necessary. Or maybe just a stiff drink on the balcony.
Day 4: Exploring the Hinterland and Dealing with FOMO
- Time: 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM: Day trip alert! Head into the Gold Coast Hinterland. I'm thinking lush rainforest, waterfalls, and escaping the concrete jungle. Maybe the drive will actually be peaceful. Hopefully, Instagram will be worth it.
- Time: 11:00 AM - 2:00 PM: Hike. Pretend to be a nature lover. This might involve some minor hiking. The views better be worth it. I'm not looking forward to the sweat.
- Time: 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Lunch with a view? I hope so. I packed a picnic and forgot the plates. Typical.
- Time: 3:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Explore the town. Find a place to sit. Enjoy the quiet!
- Time: 6:00 PM: Dinner somewhere fancy or stay in and order takeaway from a place nearby.
- Time: 7:00 PM - Bedtime: Finish a book. Prepare for the trip back home.
Day 5: Departure and the Unforeseen…
- Time: 8:00 AM - 9:00 AM: Last breakfast with ocean view. Soak it in. Maybe take some photos. Probably cry a little bit that it's almost over.
- Time: 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM: Pack. More accurately, frantically cram everything back in my luggage. Curse myself for overpacking.
- Time: 11:00 AM - 1:00 PM: Check out of the apartment and head to the airport.
- Time: 1:00 PM and beyond: Back to reality. Back to the (relatively) sane world. Time to post all the holiday photos and pretend my life is glamorous. And then start planning the next escape. Because, let's be honest, I'm already itching for one.

So, like, what *is* life anyway? (And why am I always so tired?)
How do I deal with, ugh, *people*?
What about relationships? (The good, the bad, and the utterly confusing?)
Career stuff. I’m drowning in emails and self-doubt! Help!
How do I cope with, you know…*everything*? (Anxiety, sadness, feeling like a total mess?)
What about failure? It's the worst, right?
I’m feeling… *lonely*. (Even when I’m around people.)

