Escape to Paradise: Your All-Suite Bali Dream at Sakala Resort
Okay, buckle up buttercups, 'cause we're about to dive headfirst into a hotel review, and let's just say… it's not gonna be your average bland travel regurgitation. We're going FULL DISCLOSURE. We're talking, warts-and-all, the good, the bad, and the slightly-stained-with-mystery-substance-carpet-in-the-corner-of-the-elevator. (Okay, maybe not that bad. Probably.)
We're talking about… [Insert Hotel Name Here]!!!! (Yep, I'm still waiting for the actual hotel name! Come on, people!)
Alright, so let’s imagine we are talking about a fictional hotel named “The Grand Snugglepuff.” Because honestly, every good hotel needs a ridiculous name, right?
Let's get messy, shall we?
Accessibility - The Snugglepuff Shuffle
Okay, so accessibility. This is where things often go sideways, especially with older hotels. But The Grand Snugglepuff, let's pretend, is surprisingly on the ball.
- Wheelchair Accessible? Let's say YES! Ramps? Check. Wide doorways? Check. Elevators that actually work and aren't the size of a phone booth? (Fingers crossed, always.) This deserves MAJOR points. Because the reality is, access is about more than just a ramp. It's about feeling comfortable moving around.
- On-site accessible restaurants/lounges? Let's hope so! Imagine pulling up to the main dining room and realizing it's on the third floor, requiring "assistance" via one of those rickety elevators… not ideal. Good access includes accessible bathrooms, plenty of space to maneuver, and staff who aren't bewildered when someone needs some extra help.
Internet – The Wi-Fi Whisperer (and the LAN Lament)
Ah, the internet. A traveler's best friend… and sometimes, their worst enemy.
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! PRAISE BE! This is non-negotiable in today's world. If I can't binge-watch reruns of "The Great British Bake Off" in my pyjamas, what's the point of even being in a hotel?
- Internet [LAN]? Okay, LAN? I'm picturing a dusty server room, and a dial-up sound effect. Is it 2002 again? Let's be honest, LAN connections are becoming extinct.
- Internet Services? Hopefully, speedy and reliable. If the Wi-Fi keeps cutting out while I'm trying to order room service… well, let's just say hangry me is not a pretty sight.
- Wi-Fi in public areas? Essential. Because sometimes, you need to judge people loudly in the lobby, you know, for the sake of people-watching.
Things to Do – Spa Day Dreams and Fitness Freak-outs
This is where the "Grand" in "Grand Snugglepuff" hopefully comes into play!
- Ways to relax: My main goal in life, and a hotel's primary offering, in my mind.
- Body scrub/Body wrap/Massage: If you have to twist my arm (go ahead, twist it!), I'll indulge in some pampering. Let's see what the Snugglepuff has on offer. A great spa is NOT optional.
- Fitness center/Gym/Fitness: Okay, maybe I'll hit the treadmill… after I've consumed approximately a gallon of coffee and a pastry the size of my head. A decent gym means less guilt after the buffet.
- Pool with view/Swimming pool [outdoor]: Gimme a pool with a view every single time. Especially an outdoor pool. A pool you can plunge into with a drink. A pool surrounded by foliage. It will make the whole experience worth it.
- Sauna/Spa/Spa/Steamroom: Steamrooms are my guilty pleasure. I love to bake myself into a moist, slightly prune-like state.
Cleanliness and Safety – The Germ-Free Zone (hopefully!)
This is a NEW category. And a big one. Post-pandemic travel has us all a bit… paranoid.
- Anti-viral cleaning products/Daily disinfection in common areas/Professional-grade sanitizing services: Essential. PLEASE tell me you're doing a good job here.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Obviously.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Essential! I want staff that looks like they actually care.
- Breakfast takeaway service/Cashless payment service: Less contact, more convenience, sounds good to me.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking – The Buffet Bonanza (and Other Delights)
This is crucial. A hotel can fail spectacularly on this score.
- Restaurants/Bar/Poolside bar/Coffee shop/Snack bar: Variety is the spice of life. And a well-stocked bar is the spice of a good vacation.
- Breakfast [buffet]/Breakfast service/Asian breakfast/Western breakfast: The most important meal of the day! (Especially when you're hungover). I am obsessed with breakfasts. A good buffet raises the game, maybe even changes the whole travel mood.
- Room service [24-hour]: Need I say more? Midnight cravings, hangovers, the sheer luxury of it all.
- A la carte in restaurant/Buffet in restaurant/Vegetarian restaurant/Asian cuisine in restaurant/International cuisine in restaurant: Variety is the spice of life, and a good chef is crucial.
Services and Conveniences – The Little Things That Make a Difference
These are the extras, the little touches that elevate a hotel from "meh" to "magnificent".
- Concierge: A good concierge is worth their weight in gold. They are the unsung heroes of any vacation.
- Daily housekeeping: Because… ew.
- Elevator: See above.
- Facilities for disabled guests: Hopefully this is an area in which The Grand Snugglepuff excels, because it is very important!
- Laundry service/Dry cleaning/Ironing service: Essential for the forgetful (or clumsy) traveler.
- Luggage storage: Sometimes needed, often overlooked.
- Safety deposit boxes: Peace of mind.
- Cash withdrawal/Currency exchange/Convenience store: Makes life easier.
- Business facilities/Meeting/banquet facilities: Important for business travelers, not so much for vacationers like myself.
For the Kids – Babysitting and Family Fun
Not applicable to this reviewer, but important nonetheless.
- Babysitting service/Family/child friendly/Kids facilities/Kids meal: Good to have!
Access, Safety, and Security – Keeping the Guests Safe
Safety first!
- CCTV in common areas/CCTV outside property/Fire extinguisher/Smoke alarms/Security [24-hour]: Reassuring and essential.
- Front desk [24-hour]: Gotta applaud this.
- Check-in/out [express]: Time saver!
Getting Around – The Airport Shuffle
- Airport transfer/Car park [free of charge]/Taxi service/Valet parking: Convenience is king!
Available in all Rooms – The Essentials
Okay, let's talk details!
- Air conditioning/Alarm clock/Bathtub/Bathrobes/Coffee/tea maker/Free bottled water/Hair dryer/In-room safe box/Internet access – wireless/Mini bar/Refrigerator/Satellite/cable channels/Shower/Slippers/Toiletries/Towels/Wake-up service/Wi-Fi [free]: The basics, people. The absolute basics. My list here, the necessities. Bathtub, yes, please.
My Overall Vibe (and why you should book)
Alright, so The Grand Snugglepuff… let's pretend. The name is ridiculous. But let's also pretend it nails the important stuff. Cleanliness is paramount. The pool is amazing. The staff is friendly (or at least, not actively hostile). The breakfast buffet is legendary. And the beds? Cloud-like perfection.
The Quirks: Perhaps there's a resident cat that loves to nap in the lobby. Or maybe the elevators have a slight personality of their own. Maybe there's the slightest whiff of chlorine around the pool (but hey, it is a pool!).
But here's the bottom line: The Grand Snugglepuff is a place where you can relax, recharge, and maybe even make a friend (or two). It's a place that makes you feel genuinely welcome. A place where the little imperfections are actually part of its charm.
So, is it perfect? Probably not. Am I slightly terrified that a cat will try to sleep on me at 3 am? Possibly. But would I recommend it? Absolutely!
Here's my compelling offer (remember, we're still talking about The Grand Snugglepuff!):
Tired of cookie-cutter hotels? Yearning for a getaway that's as unique as you are?
**Then
Surfers Paradise DREAM! 2BR Ocean View Chevron Apartment
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly polished travel itinerary. This is… well, this is me trying to navigate paradise (or at least, a fancy resort in Bali) while battling jet lag and a crippling fear of looking like a total tourist. Buckle up, because here we go:
The Sakala Resort Bali - All Suites Bali: Operation "Don't Screw This Up (Too Badly)"
(Day 1: Arrival & Jet Lagged Judgement Calls)
- 8:00 AM (ish) - Denpasar Airport Debacle: Okay, so I envisioned a smooth, movie-esque arrival. You know, the one where I'm effortlessly gliding through customs while looking chic and mysterious? Instead, I'm wrestling with a suitcase that clearly thinks it's a rebellious teenager, being side-eyed by a Balinese customs official who probably thinks I look like I haven't slept in a week (because I haven't). Found my driver. Phew. Success (kinda).
- 9:30 AM - The Sakala Reveal (and Immediate Reality Check): Drove to The Sakala. The lobby is gorgeous, marble gleaming, a welcoming smile from the receptionist. Then comes the paperwork, and the realization that I can barely remember my own name, let alone the intricacies of signing a hotel registration form. Managed to bungle the check-in process so hard. We got to the room - it was a suite. Absolutely massive. Overwhelming. And I immediately dropped my phone on the pristine white rug. Sigh.
- 11:00 AM - The Poolside Panic: Thought I'd be lounging, sipping a cocktail, channeling my inner Indonesian goddess. Nope. Tried to actually swim in the pool and immediately started sputtering and thrashing. Apparently, jet lag and poor swimming skills are a dangerous combination.
- 1:00 PM - Lunch (and existential dread): Attempted to order lunch. Menu was full of beautiful descriptions… I ordered something called "Nasi Goreng" because it sounded vaguely familiar. It arrived, it was delicious, and yet… I was still thinking: "Am I really here? Am I worthy of this luxury? Will I survive my own awkwardness for the next five days?" The overthinking is real.
- 3:00 PM - Nap Time (because sanity): I'm not even going to pretend I resisted the lure of the fluffy bed. Slept for three glorious, guilt-free hours. Jet lag won, and I surrendered.
- 7:00 PM - Dinner & Dinner Disasters: Ate at the resort restaurant. Tried to be adventurous and ordered the "Grilled Mahi Mahi". It arrived looking beautiful, but the first bite… let's just say there was a significant amount of fishy regret involved. Couldn't quite finish it. The waiter was super, super kind. Maybe he could tell I was a disaster.
- 9:00 PM - Bedtime (again): Surrendered to the darkness, and the deep sleep beckoned.
(Day 2: Beach Bliss & Unexpected Emotional Rollercoasters)
- 8:00 AM - Breakfast Buffets & The Egg White Incident: This is the time I should have mastered the whole breakfast buffet situation, but I failed. The buffet was ridiculously amazing, filled with exotic fruits, delicious pastries, and so much more. I opted for a healthy omelet. Ordered an egg white omelet (because of course). The chef, bless his heart, proceeded to make me the hugest, fluffiest omelet I’ve ever seen… which was the opposite of what I wanted. Ate it anyway.
- 9:30 AM - Beach Day! (Finally!) & The Sand Dilemma: The beach is a five minutes walk. It's beautiful. The sand is white, the water is turquoise, everything is perfect… except for my total inability to casually stroll like a beach goddess. I tripped over what I think might have been a rogue piece of seaweed and nearly took out a small child. That was a fun moment.
- 11:00 AM- Surfing Lessons & Total Humiliation: Okay, here's the thing. I'm not a surfer. I'm pretty sure I'm more likely to fall off a surfboard than stand on one. Signed myself up for a lesson. The instructor, bless his patience, tried to get me to stand up. I spent most of the lesson face-planting into the water. I swear I swallowed half the ocean. I think I might have cried a little from embarrassment and the sheer force of the waves. Also: my bikini top, I think it could have been a little too small.
- 1:00 PM - Lunch (with a side of salty water): Managed to order lunch without completely embarrassing myself. Actually managed to eat and enjoy my food. Maybe I'm improving.
- 3:00 PM - Spa Time (and the Battle of the Knotty Shoulders): Booked a massage. Needed it. The woman was amazingly gentle. Her fingers worked miracles on my tense, surf-induced knots. Almost fell asleep on the massage table. Bliss. Pure, unadulterated bliss.
- 6:00 PM - Sunset Cocktails (and the Tears): Went to a beach bar for sunset. Ordered a cocktail. Thought about how incredibly amazing this entire experience was, how lucky I was to be there. Started tearing up. Not a little tear. A full-on, ugly cry. Blamed it on the cocktails. Whatever. It was beautiful.
- 8:00 PM - Dinner (and the revelation that I'm kind of, maybe, sort of, loving life): Ate dinner at the resort. Another amazing meal. Felt a strange sense of peace and contentment. Maybe, just maybe, I'm finally starting to relax.
(Day 3: Culture Shock & Monkeys - Oh My!)
- 9:00 AM - Breakfast & The Great Coffee Fail: Attempted to order a cappuccino at breakfast. Failed miserably. Coffee arrived looking like watery mud. Decided to stick to the fresh coconut water. Safe bet.
- 10:00 AM - Temple Tour (and the Sarong Struggle): Went to a temple, dressed respectfully. Struggled with tying the sarong properly. Ended up looking like a clumsy, swaddled burrito. Found myself fascinated by the architecture, the serenity, the sheer beauty of the place.
- 12:00 PM - The Monkey Forest: A Lesson On Boundaries: Okay, so, Monkey Forest. Awesome. Adorable monkeys. Until they try to STEAL YOUR SUNGLASSES (which happened). Learned a valuable lesson about protecting your belongings. Monkeys are cheeky little things.
- 1:00 PM - Lunch (Again. And the quest for the perfect smoothie): Found a cute little cafe near the Monkey Forest. Had a delicious smoothie. Tried to recreate it later back at the resort. Failed miserably.
- 3:00 PM - Pool Time (and attempting to look graceful): The pool is my happy place. Spent the afternoon swimming, reading, and attempting (and failing) to look graceful.
- 7:00 PM - Dinner & The Evening of the Unexpected Friendship: Ate dinner out. Randomly struck up a conversation with two other solo travelers. We ended up talking for hours, sharing travel horror stories, and laughing until our stomachs hurt. It was one of the best nights of the trip.
- 9:00 PM - More Pool Time (and trying to process the day): Back to the pool for a late-night swim, to sort of decompress and sort of wonder when I'm going home.
(Day 4: Cooking Class & The Coconut Conundrum)
- 9:00 AM - Cooking Class & The Chilli Pepper Catastrophe: Took a Balinese cooking class. It was supposed to be fun. It was fun, until I accidentally touched a chili pepper and then touched my eye. Pure agony. Tears, again! Never underestimate the power of a tiny pepper.
- 12:00 PM - The Big Lunch (and the taste of success!): Ate the food we cooked. It was actually edible! Delicious! I even impressed myself.
- 2:00 PM - The Coconut Conundrum: Tried to drink directly from a coconut, and sprayed it all over myself.
- 3:00 PM - More Spa Time & Overthinking it: Another massage. Another moment of pure bliss. Started thinking about life choices.
- 6:00 PM - Sunset Drinks (and the promise of new beginnings): The light was perfect, the cocktails were potent, and I realised this trip was more than I'd ever imagined. It was a chance to reset, to experience something new.
- 8:00 PM - Dinner (and the bittersweetness of the last supper): I realized tomorrow was my last full day, and it was a sudden mixture of joy and sadness.
(Day 5: Last Day & Departure (With a Few More Screw-Ups, Naturally))
- 9:00 AM - Final Breakfast (and the tearful goodbyes): The last breakfast. Said goodbye to the staff. They were incredibly kind.
- 10:00 AM - Last Swim: One last dip in the pool.
- **12:
So, what *is* this whole "thing" about?
Alright, alright, let's just say it’s like trying to herd cats on a trampoline made of Jell-O. I mean, it's a mess, but it's *my* mess. This is about... well, it's about life, bits of the internet, and probably whatever song just popped into my head. Honestly, I'm building the plane while I fly it. Kind of like trying to explain quantum physics after a triple espresso. Don't expect perfection. You'll get... *me* and all my glorious imperfections.
Why did you decide to do this? (And is it already a mistake?)
Mmm, good question. I think I had this moment of "Oh, I'm going to be SO CLEVER!" And, well, here we are. Is it a mistake? Possibly. Definitely. Maybe. But listen, I'm easily distracted, and the idea of NOT doing something that seems slightly ridiculous... well, it's just not in my nature. Plus, it's a good way to deflect from the fact that I *still* haven't cleaned the kitchen.
What are you hoping to achieve here? (Besides chronic procrastination?)
Honestly? To make *someone* laugh. Even if that someone is just me, later, squinting at this and thinking, "Wow, I was REALLY in the weeds that day." Seriously, the internet is full of polished, perfect things, and frankly, I'm tired of it. I want to share... well, the *truth* (or at least *my* truth). And maybe, just maybe, connect with someone else who's equally bewildered by the world. Or at least, who also hates folding fitted sheets. (The ENEMY of folding sheets).
But also, and this is the big one: I think it *might* be fun. I could be wrong. I probably am.
Are you, like, a professional? A writer? A brain surgeon?
Ha! Oh, the audacity of that question! No. Next question. Wait, no, I'll elaborate.
Let's just say my resume would be more impressive if I used crayon and glitter. I'm not a professional at anything that involves actual skill or, well, a proper education. My brain is more of a rapidly-shifting, overstuffed storage unit. I'm just a regular human, stumbling through life, occasionally tripping over my own feet and words. The words are the hard part. The words, the thoughts, the feelings, it's all the hard part!
Okay, so like, specifics? You said *"life, bits of the internet... "* What does that *actually* mean?
Right, right, good point. Because, as you may have noticed, I love going on tangents the way a toddler loves ice cream. It means everything! Okay, perhaps not *everything*, but...
I'll probably babble about my terrible cooking attempts (the toast *always* burns!), my online shopping addiction (don't judge me!), my ridiculously specific opinions on, well, *everything*, and the sheer joy of a really good cup of coffee. I might rant about the absurdity of modern society, then immediately pivot to gushing about a new puppy I saw at the park earlier. Or, wait, I hate puppies. No! They are wonderful. But, they smell, and I have allergies. It is a paradox! My brain is spaghetti.
It's going to be a grab bag of whatever bubbles up from the depths of my chaotic soul. Expect a lot of random observations and, hopefully, a few genuine laughs. I hope.
What kind of “tone” should we expect? Should we expect anything?
Oh, tone. You want *tone*? Well, let me tell you. The tone is... *gestures wildly*... this! Expect a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute, I might be waxing lyrical (and poorly) about the beauty of a sunrise. The next, I'll be screaming into the void about the price of avocado toast at some overpriced brunch place.
There will be sarcasm. There will be self-deprecating humor. There will be moments of genuine vulnerability. And, most likely, there will be a consistent undercurrent of "Wait, is this even working?" It's going to be a mess, but hopefully, a memorable mess.
Is there anything you *won't* talk about? (Besides, you know, where the bodies are buried.)
Well, the bodies aren't buried *here*. Obviously. (Just kidding! ... Mostly kidding.)
Sensitive stuff. I'm generally not one for sharing things I'm not entirely comfortable with. There are boundaries. I might hint at some things, but I won't be offering up my deepest, darkest secrets on a silver platter. I also won’t be getting into, you know, hate speech or anything that could cause harm. Basically, I'll try to keep it, you know, *relatively* decent. (Emphasis on "relatively.")
Real talk. Are you afraid of the internet?
Oh, the internet! Let me tell you. I *love* the internet. I spend way too much time on it.
But, yeah, I'm also terrified. It's like the Wild West out there. And I'm the slightly-too-optimistic sheriff, armed only with a keyboard and the blind faith that the comment section won't totally destroy my self-esteem.
Look, I'm human. Criticism stings. Being misunderstood sucks. But also, connection is amazing. So, I'm embracing the chaos. Wish me luck. I'll need it. Send pizza, and maybe a hug. And, if you see any tumbleweeds of negativity rolling by, please, for the love of all that is holy, *burn them with fire*!
Will you actually *answer* any questions people throw at you? Or just ramble?
*Cough*. Let's be honest. The rambling is a given. It's practically my superpower. But yes, I *will* try to answer questions. I'll do my best. (Emphasis on "try.") If you ask me something, I'll give it a shot. I might go off on a tangent. I might misunderstand the questionHotel Hop Now
The Sakala Resort Bali - All Suites Bali Indonesia
The Sakala Resort Bali - All Suites Bali Indonesia
